This is an odd record on paper if there were one. An album divided between spoken word dialogue and guitar-based instrumentals? Surely a recipe for disaster for Black Flag. However, due to record label issues, Black Flag had already recorded three albums of material since their debut album Damaged (1981) was released. This means that fans of Black Flag were spoiled for music in 1984. This was the worst-received album from that year, with both My War and Slip It In getting more attention from critics and fans. The album was produced by Harvey Robert Kubernik, Henry Rollins and Spot, and released on SST Records on 1 September 1984. Black Flag’s lineup at the time was: Henry Rollins (vocals); Greg Ginn (guitars); Kira Roessler (bass guitar); and Bill Stevenson (drums). The album artwork by Raymond Pettibon is confronting, showing the drawing of a murder-suicide. In any case, let’s take a listen to this album and hopefully, it will be a satisfying listening experience.

1. Family Man begins with some spoken word dialogue about the so-called “family man” who constructs a life around being such, and hunting down the family man and doing some out there and horrible things to him. This comes across as a rant but is very interesting to hear lyrically. Very weird.

2. Salt On A Slug begins with some more dialogue, and it sounds very brutal and odd. This isn’t normal or acceptable on an album, but it is dark and disturbing. This is a conceptual idea gone wrong, and it is weird to hear. Wacky and unbelievably stupid, this is about torturing a slug. Very odd.

3. Hollywood Diary begins with more spoken word dialogue about incidents that dare not be mentioned in an album review. Very few people will enjoy this, it sounds messed up.

4. Let Your Fingers Do The Walking is another spoken word dialogue that has no need to be heard at all. The spoken dialogue is borderline rapping, and it is a bunch of rhymes with no music. This is so brutal and odd that most people will not enjoy this tune. A weird tune about guns and other brutal ideals, this is definitely not worth it unless you want to be psychologically disturbed. Brutal and different, this is not for the faint-hearted. Weird and wacky. The lyrics don’t make any sense, either.

5. Shed Reading (Rattus Norvegicus) is about the rats that brought the Black Death plague around (worth reading up about if you are into history). This is an interesting listen that comes across as a rant and is not worth taking seriously at all. A weird recording with venomous vocals and no real appeal. This is not worth hearing, at all.

6. No Deposit – No Return is an interesting and weird spoken word piece. It is brutal and short. Again, not really worth it.

7. Armaggedon Man is finally music, not purely spoken word dialogue. Unfortunately, this is awful to listen to, straight up. For all its weirdness, this album is a failure. There is no singing, just spoken word dialogue over the top. Hit stop, and go and put on Nirvana instead, if you want a better listen. The drumming is good, but the rest of the tune is outright awful to listen to. It is just awful, discordant and poorly thought out. This is a clear example of an album that is far too experimental and terrible to be taken seriously. Also, the fact that this runs for over nine minutes is not a good idea. To get through this entire album requires some intense concentration and tolerance of the awful sounds and spoken word dialogue throughout. If you want a decent artistic statement, you’d be far better off listening to The Beatles Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (1967) than this experimental garbage. In any case, this is junk to most people musically. A wasted opportunity and something that you never wish to hear again. It sounds outright bad and is some of the worst music ever recorded. Seriously. This absurdly bad tune sounds like audible vomit. Yes, Black Flag’s other albums are much, much better than this attempt at terrible art. Just hit stop and go and listen to something different. This drags on for over nine minutes and has no place in the history of music. Cream’s jams at least were musically adventurous and wonderful to hear, this certainly is not the case. A really discordant and terrible music drag, do not listen to this if you want to save your own ears. Appalling and unfocused. This has nothing wonderful or meaningful to hear. A really poor and mediocre tune. This is like Public Image Ltd. on crystal meth, just plain bad. It slowly reaches a conclusion after over nine minutes of pure torture. Extremely bad, do not listen to this tune. Bad.

8. Long Lost Dog Of It is shorter, beginning with some drums and more awful guitars. Fortunately, this is a lot shorter at over two minutes in length. This album is an absolute failure by this point, nothing nor nobody can tell you otherwise. Clacking drumsticks and pounding drums are here with subtle basslines. Hit stop, destroy this album and never, ever hear it again. This is absolutely appalling to hear. Avoid like the Black Death. A bad joke.

9. I Won’t Stick Any Of You Unless and Until I Can Stick All Of You! is a weird title for a song. It begins with more awful guitar riffing and launches into an odd instrumental throughout. This is definitely not worth listening to, nor valuable time spent. Punk and Grunge has been done so much better, both before and since this album. Just, no. A really terrible-sounding piece of music that has zero value or effort by Black Flag. It goes into a sped-up section of crazy drumming but the damage to your ears has been done by this point. Avoid, avoid, avoid. The guitar playing and soloing is wannabe shred. This is an album that, if released any other way, would have killed Black Flag totally. It is so bad and awful that it sounds as bad as the experimental John Lennon & Yoko Ono albums. In short, not good. The so-called melodies really destroy this song to bits. A terrible album concept and music, you can easily tell your friends after hearing this album that you have heard one of the worst albums ever made. That is if you can sit through it all. A horrid and unpleasant tune to listen to, just do not hear this. A terrible idea for a tune and an album. Ordinary and like being hit in the head with a sledgehammer, it is painful to listen to. Just terrible. It finally finishes up with bad guitars and loose drums. In no way, shape or form is this good.

10. Account For What? says it all. It begins with some intricate drumming and nimble bass guitar work. It quickly launches into an upbeat and punchy groove with some slightly (but only slightly) better guitar work that does not save this album from being garbage. A four-minute-long instrumental that isn’t needed or desired to be listened to, this is quite clearly a failure music-wise. Weird and unnecessary, this confirms the album as one of the worst ever recorded to date. Sadly, Black Flag could have done way better than this release. A worthless piece of music junk, this has little to no appeal for most listeners out there. Avoid like the noid, and you will be fine. There is good music and bad music, this is the latter, quite clearly. Shockingly bad, this is a waste of time to listen to this album. Granted, it’s one of the worst albums of all time. Do not listen to this music, just grab a copy of this album and hurl it out of your nearest window. Bad, and it finally finishes after four minutes or so.

11. The Pups Are Doggin’ It is the last track on this terrible album, finally. It begins with bad guitars and drums and reminds us of how bad Black Flag’s weird idea for this album was. This is again, unnecessary junk. The guitars sound so bad and off that, the worst of your favourite artist will be better than this needless listening experience. This four-minute-long piece of faeces does not need your time, effort or patience. Black Flag hit a brick wall on this release, just don’t listen to any of this, and you will have a better time enjoying music. An album that is so bad that both Hippies and Punks would both hate it? This album. A terrible excuse for recording time, effort and money. The second half is a little more minimal, but the album stinks bad. A really ordinary and subpar tune to listen to. Your ears will appreciate the Pop charts more than this trash. It eventually wraps up after four minutes with some good drum work and shockingly bad feedback-laden guitars. The album fades out and is finally over.

There is no way anyone should even consider listening to this album. The mixture of weird musical ideas, bad melodies, psychotic imagery, spoken word tracks and bad instrumentals is enough to destroy Black Flag’s reputation. This is an album that is not recommendable for anyone, especially children and those of you who hate Punk, Metal or Grunge. Do not listen to this album, even if you like Black Flag.

As sour as a lemon.

1/10