This was released as The Beatles began to fall apart, as well as John Lennon’s first marriage to Cynthia Lennon. No coincidence, really. This album is seemingly the product of an all-night recording session back in early 1968 between the new couple that was John Lennon and Yoko Ono, amidst some rather awkward side events at the time. John Lennon himself had a bunch of snippets of recordings during this session and he wasn’t allowed to use these on recordings by The Beatles, even after revealing those to them. Also, the self-titled “White Album” by The Beatles released in 1968 had the interesting and futuristic Revolution 9 track, which essentially formed the basis of this tune. This was avant-garde in nature, and that forms the basis of this album. The album cover is strangely (yet disgustingly, to most people) confrontational, showing John Lennon and Yoko Ono in the nude. Seriously weird. The Beatles themselves took six months to approve of the release of this album as well, with EMI often refusing to sell it as an LP outright due to its cover photo. Having said all that, this is an interesting release so let’s take a listen and hear what it sounds like, being the first part of a series of releases of the weirdest music out there.

Two Virgins: Side One begins with a bunch of whistling and other background sounds, followed by John Lennon and Yoko Ono chatting. It quickly launches into some awesome delayed sounds. Straight off the bat, this is very, very weird music. There are some rather nonsensical and other static sounds, with the whistling continuing. This is very, very odd. The radio-styled high-frequency sounds and other weird pastiche sounds are present at this point. The whistling continues in an unorthodox and usual fashion. This whole piece was no doubt inspired by a ton of LSD usage. This goes on for some time, with snippets of chatting between John and Yoko. Some weird and rather tuneless piano is here as well. If anything, this music pointed towards an Electronic future in music. Some of Yoko’s typical tuneless singing enters here as well, along with extremely weird piano and Electronic sound effects. This doesn’t sound that great but bear in mind that it is highly experimental. There are some tuneless and weird sounds, to match Yoko’s awful efforts here. Clanging and clanking sounds are galore here. Some slowed-down vocals enter, followed by Yoko’s wailing and some rather interesting snippets of music. This is a weird and strange trip through what music psychologically can offer. Towards the midsection is more wailing, some interesting musical snippets and banging. Very, very weird. The music here is not really music in any sense, more it is a concept overall. Some weird melodies are here, followed by sounds and snippets of sound that are quite ordinary. The music is out of this world, and likely inspired by a lot of hard drug use. In the middle is some clanging piano, and this brings a bit of relief to the whole madness. The piano is good, but the rest of the so-called music here is not. Manic screaming by both John and Yoko is present, along with some out-of-tune noises and weirdness galore. A really odd sort of musical piece per se. Soon into the second half are some beyond-weird sounds and squealing from Yoko Ono. This is not well done, but it exists as a piece of so-called music. Sounds abound, namely snippets of sonic samples and John and Yoko screaming at each other. This is groundbreaking in an artistic sense, but certainly not in the best way you would think. This is beyond crazy and weird, with more clanking and annoyingly repeated sounds throughout. Some weird pseudo-Jazz occurs sometime into the second half, and this whole thing sounds as great as sticking a heroin-filled syringe into one’s arm, not a good idea at all. John Lennon was apparently using heroin at the time as well. Soon enough, this continues with a lack of musical structure and a ton of sound effects. Very, very weird. This begins to wrap up with Electronic sounds, an accordion in the background and Yoko asking, “Who’s there?” repeatedly. This is followed by some weird noises and a snippet of metaphorical conversation. The whole thing gradually finishes up with some piano and continues with this rubbish for over 14 minutes before an interesting vocal conclusion is here. Some of the weirdest music in history is on this album.

Two Virgins: Side Two begins with some amplifier hum and weird sounds in the background that are mixed all over the place. Some organ and other sounds emerge, including Yoko Ono doing Opera. Which is quite funny, if you think about it. Soon enough, Yoko’s vocals take centre stage and this gradually gets louder. It sounds downright awful, to be frank. One of the biggest mistakes in music history was to ever let Yoko Ono near a microphone. Seriously. This piece progresses with snippets of pitch-shifted piano and other weird sounds. Yoko yelps noisily and without a solid singing voice throughout this piece. You probably shouldn’t listen to this garbage at all, just say no, hit stop and go do something else better than hearing this. Some interesting Electronic sounds then follow and take centre stage in this piece, which makes no solid sense at all. Very, very weird. Eventually, the sounds stop with some worthless conversation and some mixture of tape recordings, Yoko wailing and terrible melodies enter. Yoko clearly needs some help with singing lessons, and John Lennon was obviously high or something here. Regardless, this is not good. The screaming from Yoko is definitely not on. Horns, piano and other groove-based samples enter this weird thing of music here. The music here is definitely not worth listening to, it just sounds dramatically awful. For an effort by one of The Beatles, this is really appalling to listen to. Some appalling chanting is present, followed by horns, organs and head shaking by the listener. We are halfway through this rubbish, and it still sounds like garbage (not the 1990s band, either). Yoko drags on and on with her singing, whilst John, stoned out of his brains, attempts to make music. The second half launches into more mayhem of tape loops and Yoko Ono’s singing. Understandably, John himself was attempting to make experimental music on this album. This is not music that is good for experimentation, however. Throughout the second half of this tune are some weird organs, pitchy vocals with wailing from Yoko and more musical mayhem present. Do yourself a favour and listen to the Sex Pistols instead. The wailing continues for some time and sounds really poor. There are some warped Electronic sounds throughout, with Yoko screaming on end for ages. A cool moment occurs with some looped percussion briefly enters, with flourishes of horns and strings. Yoko again, ruins musical history with her attempts to sing. Some people can’t take a hint. Regardless, this piece goes on for way past its welcome. It goes silent briefly before Yoko Ono and John Lennon have some unnecessary conversation before a piano enters and Yoko ruins this bad music further. Right near the end, Yoko repeatedly sounds like a barking dog, before the piano enters again and this terrible music drags on. Even for experimental music, this is not good. The end of this tune sounds really beyond bad, and it finally ends with some further screaming by Yoko. Awful.

This is not a good album, and fortunately, it didn’t sell well and received hostile reviews from those in the music industry. John Lennon and Yoko Ono didn’t care, however. They continued making a trilogy of these sorts of recordings, only to end up finishing them with their musical reputation shattered and poor sales, at least for these experimental albums. This is one of the worst sides of John Lennon that one can hear: a drug-addled man who was in love with an artist that nobody would have known about otherwise. Sure, the experimental nature of the music within predicted an AI-run future. However, this is done in the worst possible way. Do not listen to this garbage, just go back and hear The Beatles Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band album instead.

Very unmusical and appalling.

3/10